Sunday, December 18, 2011

A "Clark Griswald in the Attic" Moment..

When we moved into this house, the boys decided to share a bedroom. That worked for a while, but Jake is almost 11 now and needing his own space, so I spent last weekend moving all of his stuff into the spare bedroom. Up until that time, the spare bedroom had been filled with all the boxes I wasn't ready to go through--the photos, the paperwork, the yearbooks, the baby shoes, etc. So..all of those boxes got moved out into the hallway awaiting my attention. They sat there all week until I decided to tackle them today. Mark was outside working and the kids were playing with a neighbor so I was going at it alone. And I am here to admit that I had a full on "Clark Griswald in the attic" moment. Well not a moment--more like 2 hours. It began with me reading my highschool diary. Yes--I read the entire thing cover to cover. So many emotions came up..so many memories that were different from what I actually recall. For one thing--I have always said that my brother and I fought like cats & dogs growing up but that as soon as he moved out of the house, we became best friends. Well, there were countless events in my diary where I was heartbroken, sad or confused and I always turned to Kip for advice and he always cheered me up. How could I not remember that? Thank you brother! And there were so many happy memories with highschool girlfriends who I don't see enough and it made me miss them even more! (Linda, Lauren & Dana--we HAVE to do our girl's night!!)  And then there were interesting parts where I got into trouble and (in my opinion) my parents were not hard enough on me. I am SURE I appreciated it at the time, but parenthood tends to change your perspective and I think I will be more strict. ;) And then I came across the box from my dad's funeral with all the beautiful cards people sent and his Eulogy. I was leaning against the utility closet sobbing. What a scene! Keep in mind that none of my family knows any of this is going on because they are all outside--like I said a total Clark Griswald moment! And then there were Jakie's first walking shoes and Willy's baby hand print and Lainie's hospital bracelet. It was soooo tiny! And then there were all the cards my mom sent me my first year of college. I was so homesick and I swear that woman put a card in the mail to me every day for an entire year! Thank you Mama! And then there were all the cards Mark and I sent back and forth to eachother when we were dating long distance and missing eachother like crazy. He wrote so many romantic, sweet things promising me we would be together soon. Thank you Babe! And there was more evidence than you can imagine in those boxes to back up the fact that I was a TOTAL daddy's girl...diary entries about him, notes from him, business cards or anything that had his name on it..an old wallet. I even smelled the inside of the wallet to see if there was any trace of him in there. And I'm sure it was just my hyper-emotional state, but I swear I smelled him! I miss you sooo much daddy! Christmas and dad go hand and hand. It was his favorite holiday--it was my favorite holiday. It's HARD to celebrate without him; it's not the same. Picking out his clever, unique gift was always the thing that got me into the Christmas spirit. I still see things that I want to buy for him--a baseball cap that has mistletoe hanging from the bill. LOL. He would have LOVED that because everyone he talked to would have had to kiss him and he was a kisser! I am grateful that I saved all of this stuff; so glad I kept that diary! I will be 40 in 7 days and I've had a really great life. I've received so much love from family and friends and I have always had a great support system--it's always been there. I want very much to grow old and see my children take on this world and I would love to be a grandma one day too. But..if God has any different plans for me, I can say with absolute confidence that I have lived a full and happy life and that I have felt LOVED. And I think it's pretty great to hit 40 and be able to say that!

2 comments:

  1. I think it's pretty wonderful to be able to look back and feel the love and strength that was behind you all your life. Not everyone has that. It was an amazing trip down memory lane for you and I can see you while you were doing it both laughing and crying. In keeping with the season all I can say is "It's a Wonderful Life". I love you my darling daughter.

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  2. So special to feel so much love!!! Have a beautiful Christmas and birthday week!!!

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