I had my very first Mammogram today. Yes I'm 40 years old and that's ridiculous but I've been doing all sorts of grown up things lately. I had my very first "Complete Physical" which means I have my very first Primary Care Doctor. (I've listed my OBGYN as my Primary Care Doctor for the last 11 years.) I visited a Dermatologist for a full body Skin-Cancer Screen with 2 Biopsies ta boot! What else? Oh--I scheduled a Dental cleaning and I had my first Annual Exam since Laine was born 4 years ago. See like I said...very grown up things!
I received all kinds of "no big deal" input about today's Mammogram so I arrived very relaxed. Umm..I'm calling bullshit on that one. It sucked. I would rather have a Pap-Smear any day of the week! They walked me back to the "Magnolia Room" which resembled a locker room at a beautiful spa complete with waterfall and all. I changed into a luxurious robe and waited in one of the comfy chairs with a great magazine. Very deceiving folks! Deceiving because the Mammogram experience in no way, shape or form resembles a facial or swedish massage. I was escorted back to my "treatment room" where the nurse placed stickers with metal studs on each nipple. There was no mirror for confirmation, but I am certain I looked like a pole dancer in pasties with pierced nipples. Fyi...these "stickers" did not feel good coming off. Next, she squashed my breast down with her machine until it resembled a crepe and then said, "okay--just a little more, a little more, almost there, just a little more pressure..." And the whole time I'm thinking "not possible--not possible to go any further--are we going for card stock?" Seriously..my breasts are still sore.
Yes you still have to be a grown-up and get your Mammogram because breast cancer screening is very important but I'm just saying it blows! I'm honest here--you know this much about me by now. I'm grateful to be done with all my big girl appointments and very grateful for good health. I'm taking my sore boobs to bed. Night! ;)