Friday, November 9, 2012
My mother recently asked me if I was happy. I said, "Ya--I'm fine." She said, "That's not really an answer." I thought about it and decided I was satisfied with my answer because it was honest. I don't feel skippy, giddy, high on life happy, but I feel fine. I feel content.
I have an awesome Therapist who I meet with each month and I brought the subject up during our visit last week. I realized I had some guilt around this topic. I was feeling guilty for not feeling "happy" enough. I often think of that quote, "Dear God, thank you for this life and forgive me if I don't love it enough." As we were talking, I expressed feelings about my marriage. I have said it before on this Blog--marriage is hard work every day. You have to work really hard to stay connected and it's extra hard when you have a traveling husband and 3 busy kids. Still though--I feel grounded in my marriage. I don't believe in divorce (for myself) and we've worked really hard to get to the point where we're at. I don't have butterflies in my stomach every time I see him and we don't schedule enough date nights, but this is the phase of life we're in and it works. My Therapist spoke 2 magic words to me...It's "good enough." Yes I proclaimed! And it felt really good to be validated that way. Good enough is okay because it's good enough!
I went on to express feelings about my parenting. I am riding the roller coaster of ADHD with my middle schooler and always questioning myself over medicating. I worry about my middle child being the "middle child" and getting lost in the shuffle. My 4 year old wears me out and sometimes I feel like I don't have enough patience with her. My Therapist pointed out that my children know without a doubt that they are loved and cherished. I tell them every single day that they are smart, they are kind, they are important, I am proud of them and they can never lose my love. My parenting is "good enough."
I expressed dissatisfied feelings with myself. I'm not going to the gym enough. I'm not motivated to get out and be social very much. This time of year when we turn the clocks back is always a challenge for me. I want to crawl back into bed each day after getting kids off to school. I want to do that, but I don't let myself do it every day. I keep up with housework and laundry, I meet with my church small group every week, I attend church each week. I'm not exactly who I want to be, but I'm "good enough."
My cousin/little sister Kate has always been my kindred spirit and as I was leaving her house yesterday I noticed for the very first time a sign hanging on her back door. It read, "I Am Good Enough!" It put a big smile on my face because ofcourse she would have that!
Wherever you're at in your life, in spite of any self doubt, remember those 2 magic words. You are GOOD ENOUGH!!
UPDATE: Upon reading this post, my sweetheart husband sent me an email that said, "You're more than good enough for me." How awesome is he!! :)
Posted by prenni5 at 8:28 PM