Thanksgiving was excruciating; I could not WAIT to leave that table. It was all about getting through it--just "getting through" that horrible day. I expected Christmas to be no different--worse in fact.
So this Grief thing is just complicated!! Why was Thanksgiving so hard but Christmas was okay? I think about my mom shining down on us with new powers that made it possible. I can't come up with any other explanation? She loved Christmas more than any other person I know and she loved my Christmas Birthday twice as much. So she would have wanted us to be happy and normal and following all the traditions. And we did. Magically, we did.
The only thing that really stood out was my empty stocking on Christmas morning. I forgot that Mom always filled mine. The kids seemed upset by that; "why don't you have anything in your stocking Mama?" So I'll task Mark with that job now....starting next Christmas.
Other than that; we were okay. We were all okay. Grandpa Vic was here with us and he made sure his presents were signed from both "Grandma & Grandpa Vic." He told the kids that he and Grandma did their Christmas shopping months and months ago. There were no tearful meltdowns. Well--Grandpa Vic had a few moments, but just a few.
And so we DID it. We got through the first Christmas without my mom. And I'm glad it's over. I'm happy to be past the whole holiday season that hit us immediately after her death. I'm happy to be in a new year. I feel like she is with me every day. I talk to her every day. And I don't care what anyone thinks; I'm 100% sure she controlled the happiness factor in this house over Christmas. Its the only possible explanation!